What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 25.06.2025 08:43
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Margaret Cho: Ellen DeGeneres 'Not Nice to Me for Most of My Career' - Variety
I couldn’t, believe it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My family never makes their pension either.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
All international travelers should get measles vaccinations, CDC says - AP News
Why did i forgive my father ?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why singing is good for your brain, even if you are no Beyoncé - The Washington Post
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was scared of men, in general
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I waited trembling.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What are some negative effects of ADHD meds?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Why do people stay in cults after they have joined?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Were any US Generals hurt or killed yesterday in Damascus, Syria, yesterday 5/9/24?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
How many wishes do people get on their birthday?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She married twice! .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was the EU formed to hurt the US as Trump claims?
I write beautiful poetry .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im still living with it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I will be 64.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I have no regrets .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was seconnd youngest,
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
When she asked me how she looked .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I said to her
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was very sick at this time too.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She loved him until the end.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She found it foreign!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So, i spoilt her more .
What did i know ?
So whats the point in blame.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We all went to grammer schools
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Especially a lifetime of it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Would this be the day?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was in good health!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
All the time i was locked up.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My life is so biszare .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He knew the spot.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But it wasn’t much.
And i lived it daily.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Comes on , in middle age.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I don,t even have a pension.
I was 9 years of age.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One cannot live in the past .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Who then, do I blame.?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ive learnt so much.
This is soul school!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It was going to be , some day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We were not on the streets..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I think the readers, may guess!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him